Change Is Possible
The Big Question
Common Hesitations
Right now you might be asking- “Matt, I’ve been thinking the same way my whole life, is it realistic to believe I can change my thought patterns now?
I’m with you. I was skeptical as well. And lying underneath this question I think there are four common hesitations:
It’s just my biology... Thinking patterns aren’t something we can change, right? Isn’t it just a part of us, like how tall we are or are shoe size?
Some just have it, and others just don’t... I look around and see people that are just naturally resilient, naturally mentally tough… and then there’s me. I got dealt a bad hand and just need to make do.
It didn’t work the last time... I’ve tried before. I’ve already been down this road. It was supposed to be easy. But it didn’t work for me.
I’m not even sure I want to change… Are you trying to turn me into a super-cheery Ned Flanders? I make fun of guys like that.
Maybe you’ve had one or all of these concerns. Don’t worry, you’re not the first.
Research-Backed Answers
Ivy League psychologists have spent a lot of time (and drunk a lot of coffee) researching this subject. Here’s four answers from me, informed by their work:
Just biology? Nope, our thought patterns aren’t permanent traits like our hair color or height - we have the power to change them. Psychologists have gathered widespread evidence of this. Over the years they’ve carried out hundreds of peer-reviewed trials with the same conclusion - lasting change in how we think is possible.
Dealt a bad hand? It’s true some people naturally think more resiliently, just like it’s true some people naturally are physically stronger. But research has shown that resilience isn’t a fixed trait - it can be grown. So it doesn’t do us any good to dwell on what we don’t have, but instead to grow what we already do.
Didn’t work before? My guess is one of two things happened: 1) You probably tried the wrong thing - like repeating baseless affirmations in the mirror, chanting “I’m the best, all good things come my way.” There’s a lot of bad teaching out there that’s not research backed, and it ends up doing more harm than good. 2) Possibly you were promised a quick fix. But after a couple days of trying, it proved to be harder than expected, so you gave up without putting in real training. Let me tell you, “quick fix” isn’t a phrase you want to utter when doing this kind of training.
Finally… Ned Flanders? No, I don’t want you into turn into anything like that guy from the Simpson’s. I mean, if someone ever said to me “Hi-diddly-ho neighborino,” I’d turn around and walk away. (Have psychologists confirmed this? Let’s just say yes.)
Now that we’ve addressed these initial hesitations, I want to dive deeper and examine how thought patterns are actually formed. So we’re going to turn our attention away from modern psychology and towards neuroscience, and the latest findings there.
Let me begin with a story…
Blazing a Trail In Baltimore Jungles
The Abandoned House
I had just gotten off the phone with a wholesaler - he’d given me a fresh lead on an abandoned house. Since this guy didn’t work in the actual city much, he sent me the address before going and looking at it himself. In fact, I was going to be the first person to step foot in this house in decades. Get excited.
When I pull my car up, though, I realize the challenge here won’t be to analyze the house, but will be to just reach the house in the first place. Because between me and the door stands an overgrown yard like almost none I’d ever seen. And working where I work, I’d seen a lot.
The first line of defense was a 4 foot chain link fence (no problem), but that was absolutely dwarfed by a wall of 12 foot bushes (slight problem). After that, there was a jungle of vines, trees, and shoulder-high grass that looked absolutely intent on keeping me out. (And if they couldn’t keep me out they were going to make it one heck of a challenge.)
In the past when visiting board ups, I’d normally bring a power drill and bits, but for this one I’m realizing I should’ve packed a weedwacker and machete.
Making a way
For any rehabber like me, though, the question is never if we’re going to get into the house, but how we’re going to get in. In the past I’ve scaled high balconies, rolled through 2nd story windows, and climbed decaying deck steps that are literally breaking beneath my feet.
If I take the time to drive to it, I’m gonna do everything in my power get in (legally, of course). You might have had an experience or two like this yourself.
So, it was time to blaze a trail. I start by hopping the fence and prying my arms into the dense wall of bushes at the perimeter of the yard. I literally borrow a hole through them. I then proceed to stomp down vines and grass, with every third step taking a pause to pull back a branch so thick I need two hands and enough strength to crack the thing.
It takes me about 5 minutes to make it 30 feet, and by the time I’ve reached the house I’ve managed to break a light sweat. Also, when I look down at my clothes, they’re covered in sticky-seed-type-things that take another 10 minutes to peel off.
So, here’s the question…was it worth it?
The Result
The answer is a resounding no. Womp womp. The house was a bust. (Too much joist work and too low of a basement ceiling to justify the cost of a full-rehab for that particular block.)
The only bright side? I’d blazed a trail through the yard wide enough the first time around that going back through the second time was a lot less work.
Hopefully the next guy would appreciate the work I’d done. Because I’m sure the person who came after me would have a much easier time making his way through. What about the 3rd, 4th, and 5th investor after that? Even easier. And by the time ten investors had visited the house, that trail would be so well-ingrained it wouldn’t require any effort at all. Heck, that eleventh guy wouldn’t even need to look up from his phone as he strolled to the door.
The Old Trails In Your Brain
HOW YOUR BRAIN OPERATES
Your brain operates in a similar way. Let me explain briefly. Your brain is a command center, and it sends messages using neurons. To send a message, your brain must link multiple neurons together. If the same message is sent multiple times, it will create a neural pathway.
Think of neural pathways as being similar to the trail I created in that miniature Baltimore jungle - very hard to form in the first place, but once established, very easy to follow. In fact, the more you repeat a thought, the wider and stronger the neural pathway gets, making it easier for your subsequent thoughts to follow the same trail. (That’s why a thought gets more ingrained in your mind as it’s repeated. It’s following a literal trail.)
Sound Disheartening?
For some of you, this is disheartening. Because it feels like your distorted, destructive thoughts (DDT’s) have formed neural pathways in your brain that are so permanent, it’s as if somebody’s taken the time to not just establish wide trails, but to mix concrete and pour permanent sidewalks down. For you, these pathways don’t feel like a temporary trails, but more like permanent features blazed by concrete and asphalt.
And as a result, whenever you face adversity, your brain already has an established way of thinking. Hardships now automatically bring certain negative thoughts - because the trails have already been blazed. And these DDT’s come automatically, quickly, and with force because they’re traveling such well-worn pathways. So if a rehab job goes over budget, or a contractor messes up, or a deal falls through - BAM, your brain already has a set way for your thoughts to go.
And, after decades on this earth and years in your career, these pathways feel like they’re so established that there’s nothing that can be done to change them.
New Trails Can Be Blazed
THE GOOD NEWS
Well, here’s the good news. Neuroscience has shown we can literally restructure these brain pathways. If you want the 50 cent word for this, it’s called neuroplasticity. And this isn’t done by some kind of open-head surgery. It’s done by intentionally replacing our harmful thought patterns with new, accurate ones. (There’s a bit more to it than that, but we’ll get there in later articles. The important thing to focus on now is that permanent restructuring is possible.).
Remember, this isn’t just symbolic. These neural pathways in your brain are physical things. And it used to be thought that after you reached a certain age, they could no longer be re-formed - that your brain would grow and develop as a kid, and then whatever shape your brain’s taken by the time you were 20… BAM, everything becomes fixed.
Well, technological advances have led to some incredible new insights into how the brain works.
AGE is Just a Number
And what have neuroscientists found? That it’s actually possible to form new neural pathways at any age. No matter your age, your brain’s shape isn’t permanent. No matter how fully formed your brain is, its neural pathways are not fixed. So, if you’re eighteen or eighty five, you can change the way you think - and do so in a real and lasting way. You can take old, broken DDT’s and replace them with new, better thought patterns.
Change is possible.
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So, are you ready to blaze some new trails? If your response is “Gee willikers I am!” like Ned Flanders, I hereby revoke your permission to read on. For everyone else, though, continue to the next article for an in depth look at how to go about this change.