The Eight Thought Traps (Part 1)
Introduction
There are eight thought traps that hinder how we handle adversity. All distorted, destructive thoughts (DDT’s) that come our way fall into one of these eight categories. Therefore, understanding them is vital to defeat the DDT’s they produce.
Let’s start off being clear about one thing, though. I’m not the one who discovered these thinking traps - they’re not my original idea, invention, or creation. I’m just an REI guy whose grateful to benefit from them.
But even though I didn’t discover these thought errors, when I first learned about them I realized I was already an expert. Unfortunately for me, though, my expertise was purely in making them. If it was an Olympic sport, I like to think I would’ve at least qualified for the national team. (Not bragging, just being real here). I mean, if I could’ve rated my resilience on a scale of one to ten, I think I would’ve put myself right around a negative three.
Given that, here’s what I found so helpful in reading about the thought traps - they helped me pinpoint exactly where my thoughts were going wrong. Whereas before my DDT’s had been flying under the radar, this helped bring them out into the open. It was only then that I could start fighting back effectively.
Remember, in order to to handle adversity well, you need to first change your thinking. And recognizing harmful DDT’s is the a crucial part of changing your thoughts - for you can’t defeat what you don’t define.
In this article we’ll cover the first three thought traps. In the next we’ll cover the final five. So here we go, and we’ll start off strong, with the one that has been the most destructive in my personal business.
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
Target: This thought trap is normally directed inwards, at yourself. But it can also be directed at other people or other situations. We’ll break each one down separately.
Directed at Yourself
Definition: You evaluate yourself in completely black-or-white, all-or-nothing terms. There is simply no room for balance, and it’s impossible for you to hold both the good and the bad together in your mind.
DDT Examples From My Life: Someone breaks into my rehab? “I’m such an idiot!” Don’t meet my revenue goal, even by just 10%? “I’m a failure.” Didn’t exercise this morning? “I’m so lazy!” Spending too much time at work? “I’m a bad dad and don’t care enough about my family.”
Explanation: When you look at it rationally, this way of evaluating things is unrealistic, because life is rarely completely one way or the other. No one is absolutely stupid or totally brilliant. No one is completely ugly or 100% good-looking (even though my wife may argue Ryan Gosling falls into the 100% good-looking camp). Absolutes rarely exist, and if you try to force your experiences into absolute categories, you’re setting yourself up for unneeded misery and self-defeating action.
Effects: When it’s running full power, all-or-nothing thinking causes you to fear any mistake or imperfection, because then you see yourself as a loser. And what happens when you do inevitably come up short? This thought trap makes it it twice as hard to bounce back. Remember the inspirational quote “Just because you failed, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure”? Well, all-or-nothing thinking listens to that cheery quote and then laughs in mockery.
Effects in My Life: I have difficulty tackling bold projects, thinking if I fail then I’m a failure. I blame others more often, because admitting a mistake would be a hit on my ego. And, maybe most damaging, I don’t learn from past mistakes, because it’s too painful to dwell on what I think is concrete evidence that I’m a loser and shows I don’t have what it takes.
Directed at Others
Definition: You force others into the same extreme, all-or-nothing categories that you force yourself into.
DDT Examples From My Life: Contractor over budget? “This guy is a slacker!” Lowe’s customer service problems? “This lady is clueless.” Assistant makes a mistake? “This guy is incompetent!” (Ryan Gosling shows up on a movie screen? “This guy is literally the worst.” And no, no distortion there).
Effects: It decreases your patience and ability to discuss problems in a productive way. You can find all-or-nothing thinking champs in the wild by listening for the people who yell at Home Depot employees or who shout into their phone at their contrators. It also blocks your ability to train up employees. Because after they make one, maybe two, mistakes you’ve written them off as a lost cause.
Effects in My Life: It’s tough for me to delegate, even when I’m overwhelmed, because no one else can live up to my perfectionistic expectations. I also find myself ticked off more often at my tenants, contractors, and anyone else that doesn’t do exactly what I want.
Directed at your Career
Definition: You see your job as either the best or the worst, depending not on reality, but only if things are going well or poorly at the time. You also wrongfully paint your whole career as miserable even though only a relatively minor amount of bad things are happening.
DDT Examples From My Life : Having a hard time with real estate? “This job is the worst! I should go back to engineering.” Only one rehab out of ten is going poorly (albeit VERY poorly)? "My job sucks.” Single family rental business scaling slower than I’d like? "This niche is too slow. I need to look for shinier objects and greener pastures - maybe multi-family or crypto.”
Effects in My Life: I’m tempted to quit too early and jump ship to something else. Or I trudge through the day more miserable than I need to be, sapping my energy.
When All-Or-Nothing Skews Positive
Wait, Overly Positive? Yeah, it can distort in the other direction as well. And I think, by contrast, it’s insightful to briefly examine the positive skew for each.
Explanation: Normally this happens when everything is going great. Maybe you have success with your first rehab, but then unwisely conclude you’re invincible. As a result, you take on a second rehab that’s way too risky and end up losing money. Or, maybe your business is growing and you’re about to hire an employee, and you hire a family member because they’re “such a great person.” But this blind spot causes you to overlook their multiple business weaknesses, and the whole situation turns out to be a huge mess.
Effects: As you can see, the overly positive skew doesn’t typically happen when you’re already facing adversity, but it is pretty good at bringing adversity into your business.
Key Point: Remember, overall, the goal is accuracy - to not let your thinking distort in an overly negative direction when times are bad, but also not distort in an overly positive direction when times are good.
2. Overgeneralization (Always/Never)
Definition: You conclude an event that happened one time will “always” repeat itself or you’ll “never” get what you want.
DDT Examples From My Life: Haven’t found a deal yet? “This will REI thing will never work out! I’ll always be stuck in the same stage of life.” Construction taking too long? “This house is never going to get finished.” Contractor made a mistake? “This guy never listens to me. I’m always having to be fighting with him!” Renovated house sitting on the market too long? “This thing is never going to sell. I need to drop the price ASAP.”
Explanation: Some people are able to see a rejection or delay as a single disappointing occurrence, while those who struggle with overgeneralization see it as a never-ending pattern of future defeat. So you not only get discouraged easier, but make unwise choices as a result.
Granted, a time will come when you need to correct course - maybe that means firing a contractor or dropping the price of a house. The key is to do it wisely, not as the result of always/never thinking. For example, if a house sits on the market for 60 days, I’ll definitely drop the price. But if it’s only been two weeks and I’m just getting a case of nerves, then prematurely dropping the price causes me to lose money. On top of that, prematurely thinking “This house will never sell” causes unnecessary anxiety and lost sleep.
Effects: It leads to unnecessary and exaggerated discouragement, anger, or worry - never a helpful thing for an REI entrepreneur who needs to be consistently executing at the top of their game.
Effects In My Own Life: When a rehab has been taking too long, I’ve thrown my hands up as a result of always-never thinking, believing the DDT that “this job will never get done.” When I do this, I prevent myself from taking effective action on the things I still can control. Instead, I usually just throw a pity party and call my contractor every couple days to badger them.
When It Skews Overly Positive? It leads to taking things for granted, because you assume things will always stay good. This leaves you ill-prepared for the many potential problems that can (and do) come up.
3. Magnification (Catastrophizing)
Definition: You look at a setback and blow it up into an insurmountable roadblock. Or you look at the amount of work to be done and exaggerate how impossible of a load it is. And lastly, you look at your own imperfections and errors and magnify their importance.
DDT Examples From My Life: When there’s a lot on my to-do list? “There’s too much and I’ll never get it all done!” When the finished basement floods in my 4,500 sqft home renovation? “This is the end of the world. There’s no coming back!”
Explanation: This way of thinking is unrealistic because there’s rarely a problem that can’t be dealt with or roadblock that can’t be gotten past. But people will make it seem that way in their mind’s eye. As a result, they’re so intimidated they won’t take action. Magnification also causes people to look at a big job and falsely assume it all needs to be done now. As a result, they get so overwhelmed that they procrastinate starting in the first place.
Effects In My Life: I can’t tell you how many hard situations I’ve faced - a whether the issue is with a rehab, a tenant, a vacancy, a negotiation, etc. - where I’ve gotten prematurely overwhelmed because I magnify the size of the problem. This blocks me from focusing on solutions, taking decisive action steps, and doing the things that are within my control/power.
When It Skews Overly Positive? You minimize bad things that happen in the business and let small problems grow into big one’s. For example, you don’t take care of a house leak before your contractor puts up drywall or don’t have a heart-to-heart conversation with a tenant before they get too behind on rent.
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Alright, the first three thinking traps are down, and five are left. Click here to jump to the second half of this article. (Or, take a well earned break. There’s a reason I broke this up into two separate pieces.)